~ia terus menghantuiku...~

bila diri tidak kuat, bila mental tidak positif dan bile akal tidak dpt menerima kenyataan...
hati akan terus berbisik...bernada dan berkata-kata....
tentang sesuatu...tentang bayangan itu...
bayangan yg kau arahkan utk tggal di luar kotak ingatanmu buat selamanya..
agar ia tidak lagi menghantuimu...namun ia telah kembali...
kembali menghantui setelah ianya pergi utk seketika...
bayangan ape..? bayangan kegagalan...bayangan cemuhan dan bayangan keputusasaan...
setelah persoalan selame satu sem menemui jawapannya aku redha..redha dgn segala ketentuan-Nya...
tapi ketenangan itu hanye seketika..hati aku dipagut resah...
ia mula menghantui...kata2 ibubapa...status rakan2 di fb, blog mereka2 yg telah kubace...mostly sgt b'syukur dgn keputusan mereka..and this word 'Dean Award'..i hate dis word! it really make me crazy!!...sume tu mule b'legar2 di kotak fikiran...
ade yg nak keje ngan gov, ade yg nk sambung mass comm...
but me??
apekah yg bakal terjadi lepas ni..? dapatkah aku memenuhi harapan ibuku yg ingin melihat aku menggenggam segulung ijazah dlm jurusan undang2...?
bagaimana jika tidak..? ke mana harus ku bawa diri ini...?
saat mata celik dari tidur, the first thing play in my mind is about law or accurately my future...
what the hat? while bathing, eating...my mind keep thinking about it...
all my sweethearts faces that got flying colours result keep playing in my mind..
can i just be like them..? having the moment that they had rite now..?
the best feeling ever! please..just a moment...i really want to taste it..
bukan aku x b'syukur tp..hurmm x pe just let me feel those feeling on my own..
feeling of being the one who always on the bottom..i'm used for it and i deserved it..
now the thing is i am so worried..worry about everything..
but i know even how hard or bitter those kind of thing that i have to face, i know out there still got a lot of people that facing much painful situation than mine..so i'm still grateful..
now i need the strength..am i really strong..?
i think yes! with all my families and friends around me i can face it...
without them i am no one...thank god for give me the best gift ever in my life...
maybe this is the way...'just follow the flow'..

kate2 semangat..huhu

i'm thinking of being emo lately...rite..?
never mind i luv to act like an emo person...
the truth inside my heart i'm not really emo...
haha..kind of lost identity...always like that..
tired of it..what ever..really don't care..!
now i'm feeling much better...yes! these words were right!
'just express ur feeling, let it go and u will feel better'
but big clap for me! no more tears allowed for me..haha
 i mean i'm not that kind of person who always cry anymore...
i admit that i love to cry..really enjoy the moment when the tears fall down through my cheek
since my childhood ok! sumtimes i could cry with no reason..and without feeling.
during watch tv or even while in front of computer or laptop screen..
maybe it was just my eyes that was so sensitive..haha
but yah i'm kind of sensitive person..
scared of losing something or someone..
i will cry..*tgk AF pun nangis!* gilo..
if i'm upset about sumthing i will hide and sit alone then start crying..alone..
that's me..but long time ago k...
i'm used to be like that before but now not anymore...
as my favourite song title 'big girl dun cry'.
so why should i cry...huhu
ok.stop talking about those humiliated thing..
must stop typing or else i will start typing about nonsense things..
thats all for now..thanks for reading..
take care and salam....

   i will feel so glad...

   if u could know...

 how much that i miss u...

since the last day we met...

i wish u could be here...